The answer to both questions in one word? Everything! Seriously!
If you are not paying attention to the elements that make up the life you are living, then who is? More than in any other area, failing to plan here is planning to fail.
What is your role in all this?
Surprisingly, depending on your age and life experience, this may be the first time you have asked yourself this question. If you’re standing, I’d suggest you sit down.
Perhaps this question is one you need to be thinking about every day—if not every minute of every day.
One way to look at Life Balance is as if it were a monetary exchange: the two most important elements of which are Time and Attention. These two elements represent the currency of Life Balance—the only currency of Life Balance. There is nothing else that contributes to or subtracts from your experience of the quality of your life—literally nothing. Take five minutes right now to simply absorb this reality. The time and attention you are paying to anything in your life—right now, at this very moment—is defining the exchange rate of Life Balance in your life.
The life you are living—and have been living up to this moment in time—is solely a function of what you have chosen to do with your time and your attention. And that is entirely your responsibility. Those minute-by-minute choices—too frequently made unconsciously without regard to their long-term effects—have a profound impact on the quality of the life you are living.
Tell me where you have been spending the currency of your time and attention over the course of the last week, the last month, the last year, and I can tell you all about the life you’ve been living. With a few more questions, together we could determine whether that has created the life you want or, as is the case with many people, whether it has created something else less optimal that is not in keeping with your desires.
Have you been spending your time and attention on creating loving relationships with family and friends? If so, then your life includes loving relationships with family and friends.
Have you been spending your time and attention currency on health and fitness? If so, then your life includes the vitality of a healthy and fit lifestyle.
On the other hand, if you’ve squandered your currency of time and attention on feeling miserable, being upset or angry, or attempting to control a generally uncontrollable environment, then the life you are living will not only look like that, but it will actually be that.
In my work as a Life Balance coach, I’m often surprised that this concept comes as a revelation to so many people. This is not exactly rocket science!
What happens over time is that complacency sets in embraced by personal comfort. You become used to your life being a certain way, and it seems a lot easier to just keep it all the same. It feels as if it’s easier to just keep it going in the direction it is already without rocking the boat.
And this effect is completely understandable, and it’s the first step to waking up feeling as though you are living someone else’s life. Then suddenly you understand that the cost of not asking yourself tough questions is more—significantly more—than the cost of making a change.
To tune this truth in more accurately: it isn’t inertia or motion that’s the real problem, but direction. As the 6th Century B.C. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
And as often is the case, in the statement of the problem lies the answer: most people have no idea where they are headed because they are not paying attention. People show up at the greatest train station in the world, called Life, and then they get on any train without looking to see where it’s going. Once on board, they don’t look out the window to see if the passing landscape seems to be taking them where they want to go. Surrounded by ever deepening snow and ice, they convince themselves they’re en route to the tropics! If they were to ask the conductor how much the trip was costing them, he would smile and say, “It costs you
everything.”
Engaging—really engaging—a Life Balance practice in your life is as simple as waking up and stepping off the train by simply becoming aware of how much you are paying. Carefully measure the currency of your time and attention. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing in alignment with my intention to ensure that I am paying for the life I want to be living—minute-by-minute, day-by-day, month-by-month, year-by-year?”
If not, get some assistance.
These are learned skills that may need to be developed, but—and this is important—they can be developed by you.
To exchange the life you have been living for the life you want, you’re going to have to make the most important investment in the world: an investment in yourself. And remember, the only currency you have for that investment is your Time and your Attention.